bmyfckbddy

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-11-25T17:46:00

2005-11-25T22:47:15Z

I'M WEARING A FUCK-CAT!!

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-11-09T20:06:00

2005-11-10T01:06:44Z

A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news. Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.

"You son of a bitch" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait, something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.

"Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls 7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing with you. Your son was born dead."

Starwars

2005-11-07T00:31:50Z

I look like something right out of starwars

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-10-18T21:44:00

2005-10-19T01:48:26Z

No Swimming For Me.

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-10-16T21:12:00

2005-10-17T01:20:07Z

alyssa was born something like this:

she was then raised a jew like this:

shes on the left

then she was murdered like this:

her funeral was like this:

the end

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-09-16T15:39:00

2005-09-16T19:44:16Z

In case you didn't know, I, Ian Stewart, can not swim.

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-08-22T10:38:00

2005-08-22T14:46:42Z

Ian here, updating from Pickle Central, USA.

You see, the more pickles, the better. I mean, without McDonald's, we'd be forced live life in a test tube. A MOTHERFUCKING ASTRONAUT, THAT'S WHAT WE'D BE

How do you feel about this?

Exactly, no one answers because you all know Hermit the Frog too fucking well.

SOCIETY HAS CLEARLY BEEN NEUTRALIZED.

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-07-17T18:21:00

2005-07-17T23:39:37Z

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-07-13T23:17:00

2005-07-14T03:17:54Z

I wish I was a hammerhead shark.

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-07-07T23:27:00

2005-07-08T03:28:19Z

Probably the most amazing thing ever.

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-06-30T01:55:00

2005-06-30T06:01:47Z

This is a newsletter that St. Mary's church in Colorado Springs sent out this week:

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or Goth), is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to Gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through
meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "Woe is me", "I'm a Goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The Gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Cathlic Church

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-06-25T22:46:00

2005-06-26T02:46:45Z

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-06-16T23:23:00

2005-06-17T03:27:01Z

I love Kenn

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-06-16T23:23:00

2005-06-17T03:26:45Z

Rex. :)

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-05-30T20:00:00

2005-05-31T00:11:20Z

Time to stretch everyone's friends page.
Sorry, but this is important.
Everyone smile

mfing kenn (7:36:00 PM): i have not put deoderant on today
mfing kenn (7:36:00 PM): :-)
Bmyfckbddy (7:36:06 PM): lmao
Bmyfckbddy (7:36:08 PM): i did that yesterday
mfing kenn (7:36:12 PM): haha

mfing kenn (7:36:20 PM): ian
mfing kenn (7:36:27 PM): do you realize
mfing kenn (7:36:40 PM): how short an amount of time youd last at a club
mfing kenn (7:36:51 PM): i was thinking about it last night
mfing kenn (7:37:13 PM): i was like "theres so many people of different races here, ian would have been stabbed by now"
Bmyfckbddy (7:38:08 PM): lmao
Bmyfckbddy (7:38:26 PM): tell me every last one of them
mfing kenn (7:38:39 PM): every last race
mfing kenn (7:38:39 PM): ?
Bmyfckbddy (7:38:46 PM): that was there, yes
mfing kenn (7:38:50 PM): black
mfing kenn (7:38:51 PM): white
mfing kenn (7:38:52 PM): chinese
mfing kenn (7:38:55 PM): puerto rican
mfing kenn (7:39:03 PM): keesha
mfing kenn (7:39:20 PM): there was more but they all the same after those first 5
Bmyfckbddy (7:39:45 PM): in other words all the asians look the same
mfing kenn (7:39:50 PM): yeah
Bmyfckbddy (7:39:51 PM): even though theres tons of differnet kinds
mfing kenn (7:39:53 PM): you all look the same
Bmyfckbddy (7:39:55 PM): theyre like cats
mfing kenn (7:40:11 PM): you guys need some diversity in your appearance
Bmyfckbddy (7:40:41 PM): wiggers arent a seperate race kenn
Bmyfckbddy (7:40:44 PM): youre one of us too
mfing kenn (7:40:53 PM): fuck

Bmyfckbddy (7:41:27 PM): lol so
Bmyfckbddy (7:41:37 PM): it took me at least 5 minutes to figure out your info
mfing kenn (7:41:45 PM): lol
mfing kenn (7:41:50 PM): why
Bmyfckbddy (7:42:25 PM): because at first i was just like "i didnt type in god.."
mfing kenn (7:42:36 PM): lol
mfing kenn (7:42:46 PM): whyd you type anything
Bmyfckbddy (7:43:18 PM): because sometimes i dont like clicking the name
Bmyfckbddy (7:43:22 PM): because im a REBEL
mfing kenn (7:44:01 PM): lol

mfing kenn (7:48:13 PM): you are an iilf
Bmyfckbddy (7:48:41 PM): icicle id like to fuck
mfing kenn (7:48:44 PM): lol
mfing kenn (7:48:45 PM): yeah
mfing kenn (7:48:46 PM): :-[
Bmyfckbddy (7:49:07 PM): i prefer snowmen myself
mfing kenn (7:49:17 PM): i prefer q-tips
Bmyfckbddy (7:49:42 PM): i prefer toilet plungers
mfing kenn (7:49:48 PM): youre weird

Sincerely,
Ian a.k.a. Rex a.k.a. Skanka a.k.a. Tin Man
which really means
Kenn

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-05-21T20:33:00

2005-05-22T00:35:07Z

At some point, Kenn and Ian had married the same girl. She happened to be a huge slut and somehow hid that fact from both of them. One night, both husbands engaged in intercourse with their wife, without knowing the other had tapped that ass. Both their sperm attempted to fertilize the same egg. But the egg guard said only one of them could do it. So they decided to have a showdown on the clitoris at sundown with tiny sperm gun. But in the end, they just agreed to kill the egg guard so they could both fertilize it. Kenn and Ian's wife then got a sex change before having the child. The end result was a mix of Kenn and Ian.

Bashemath was born in Louisville, Kentucky in 3754943 B.c. to a family of sheep. His dad, who also carried and gave birth to him, was a well respected pickle farmer. When Bashemath was 10 years old, an important event happened. This event was the beginning of his period. He was very confused as to why he was leaking, so he wiped it off on a sheep that happened to be keesha, his cousin. She began lactating profusely and was appointed leader of the Jews. She moved on to kill 19093 ant eaters with a rainbow. 15 years later, when Bashemath met Kenn and Ian, he said "What the fuck, you guys are very pleasant smelling!" They replied "It's that new stuff from Jessica Simpson that you can eat!" Bashemah tragically died when Jesus was reborn and killed all the homosexuals.

Copyright Kenn and Ian 2005

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-04-25T17:26:00

2005-04-25T21:49:00Z

This is a request for a new nigger. I've grown bored with my current one and want a replacement. Because Briana just doesn't cut it for me anymore.

-Must enjoy being called any of several racial slurs, including but not limited to nigger, niglet, cunt, jew, and gorilla.

-Can be any weight, but must be willing to be called fat no matter what.

-Must enjoy being groped without warning and in public places.

-Must enjoy having things thrown at them, especially in the head.

-Weekly shaving is required.

-Must be willing to be violated with random inanimate objects whenever I get bored.

-Being allergic to latex is not recommended.

If you think you meet these requirements, or are Keesha, please leave your name and number and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

bmyfckbddy @ 2005-04-22T17:26:00

2005-04-22T21:34:13Z

Women who look like shrunken apples should not have long nails.

Women who are 93 should not have the desire to have an ass like a 17 year old.

Ian had no nipples as a baby.

Kenn should not update Ian's livejournal.

- Not Kenn